Bloody Mary, Meat Loaf and American Movie

The new millennium, take a deep breath. This should be the time to make super resolutions. Resolutions are very popular for New Year's celebrations and the new millennium is an extra special time. This is the moment to make major changes in you life, set some goals and forgiveness for the past. Make a clean start with no regrets and full of hope for the future.

As you know, at The B.K. Lounge we are always here to help. So in good faith we have listed some links for people who are committed to making a difference. Betty Ford Center - Stop Smoking Ring - Jenny Craig - Rapid Detox

For those of us that are O.K. with the way things are going, well, Happy New Year. And enjoy the first edition of The Lounge Lizard of the new millennium.

Three Ale's Please

A gentleman walks into a pub and requests three ale's. The bartender pours him the ale and realizes he is alone. As he hands him the last beer the bartender kindly reminds him that he may order his ale one at a time.

The gentleman responds by telling the bartender that he has a brother in the Australia and a brother in Canada. And every time he has a drink he buys three out of respect for his brothers.

The bartender smiles and the gentleman sits at a table and drinks his ale's.

The gentleman comes into the pub for several months, daily. Every time the bartender pours him three ale's and the man sits at a table and drinks quietly by himself.

One afternoon the gentleman comes in and only orders two ale's. The bartender pours the ale's and the gentleman sits at a table. The bartender, figuring that the gentleman had lost a brother, approaches the the table.

Excuse me sir. I do not mean to pry into your business but for months you have ordered three ale's. Well seeing that today you have only ordered two I would like to extend my condolences for your deceased brother.

The gentleman at the table looked back at the bartender and says, I appreciate your sympathy but my brothers are fine. I only ordered two ale's because I have decided to quit drinking.

Lounging Through the Gene Pool: January's favorite Darwin Award

( 1997, but worth mentioning again) The boyhood dream of Larry Waters of Los Angeles was to fly. When he graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him. When he was finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.

One day, Larry went to the local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and several tanks of helium. The weather balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more than four feet across. Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair. He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the balloons with the helium. He climbed on for a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground. Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six- pack of Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun-- figuring he could pop a few balloons when it was time to descend-- and went back to the floating lawn chair.

When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon. He found himself drifting into the primary approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport. A United pilot first spotted Larry. He radioed the tower and described passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. A helicopter was dispatched to investigate.

Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larry away whenever they neared. Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet above Larry and lowered a rescue line. As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace. As he was led away in handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped, turned and replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around."

Lounging With A Video:
American Movie

A film about a guy who really wants to make a movie. He puts hanging out with his buddies and drinking beer on the back burner to pursue his true calling. An unusual look into American (Wisconsin) culture and the wants of a truly driven individual. A wonderful film with a heart warming ending. Composed of film shot when trying to film his feature. This film is a gem. Grab a twelve pack of domestic cans and let this movie make you happier about your life. Highly recommended.

Did You Know?
Dioscorides, a Greek physician in the first century A.D., noted several medicinal uses of onions. The Greeks used onions to fortify its athletes for the Olympic Games. Before competition, athletes would consume many pounds of onions and drink onion juice. Furthermore, they rubbed onions on their bodies in preparation.

Today this use of onions would be considered birth control.

Also
If all the OREO cookies sold to date were stacked on top of each other, the height of the stack would be equivalent to the height of 9.8 million Sears Towers. The Sears Tower is 1,454 feet tall.

The dedicated scientists at The B.K. Lounge Laboratory have found it would take a shitload of milk to consume this many OREOS.

Misinformed

"Jingle Bells," a popular Christmas song, was actually written for Thanksgiving. The song was composed in 1857, by James Pierpont, and was originally called "One Horse Open Sleigh".

Nine out of ten 4 year olds think the song goes "One Horse Soap and Sleigh".

Beer troubleshooting

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."
- Ronald Reagan

And if you find yourself in need of a gift to help get your butt out of a sling because of something you said or did based on your visit to Liqour.com. Visit Playboy.com's store.

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
- Mark Twain

If you keep up with breaking news from The B.K. Lounge Laboratory, you are familiar with the extensive research done with old bread. Meat loaf is another use for old bread. I never liked meat loaf as a kid. But this recipe is really good. Enjoy.

1 beaten egg
3/4 cup bread crumbs, fancy name for old bread.
1/4 cup beer
1/4 cup finely chopped celery
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
1/4 cup finely chopped red pepper
2 tablespoons fresh parsley
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1/2 teaspoon basil
1/2 teaspoon oregeno
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 pound ground beef

In a large bowl mix all the ingredients together.

In a shallow baking dish mold the mixture into a 7x3x2 inch loaf. Or go crazy and mold it into a face or a house or a hand. What ever you want, it is your loaf.

Bake in a preheated 350 degree oven for 45 to 50 minutes. Until no pink remains. Spoon The B.K. Lounge B-B-Q sauce all over it and serve warm.

The B.K. Lounge B-B-Q sauce

We have added this recipe for the meat loaf but it is excelent on hamburgers, ribs and chicken.

2 tablespoons butter
1 small onion diced small
2 cloves garlic, skinned, crushed and minced
red bell pepper, chopped small, couldn't hurt
1/4 cup loose brown sugar
2 teaspoons worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1-1/2 cups Catsup, ketchup, whatever
1 tablespoon yellow mustard
1 fat jalaeno pepped, deseeded, minced
grated oragne rind is pretty good in it.

Sauté onion, garlic, red bell pepper over medium heat until onion is clear.

Add everything else and simmer until thick.

In our mision to help the scientists at the B.K. Lounge Laboratory have once again made a suggestion.

The name 'meat loaf' has generated some concern and a couple of jokes. So we are proposing that you call it meat cake, or if you are in the south, meat medley or BBQ surprise. We think they are happier names than meat loaf. You can thank us later.

May there always be work for your hands to do. May your purse always hold a coin or two.

May the sun always shine on your windowpane. May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.

May the hand of a friend always be near you and may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

-An Irish Blessing

Hickory Farms After Holiday Sale :
Check out the great deals offered during the Hickory Farms After Holiday Sale Some items are 50% off, yummmmmm.

Jan. 3, 1777

An overnight freeze enabled George Washington and his troops to flank the British at Trenton, cross their lines at Princeton, and seek security in the hills of northern New Jersey. (David Ludlum)

"If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "quit while you're ahead"? - Jack Handy

Phobia Of The Month:
ankylophobia: fear of immobility of a joint.

I have been at Grateful Dead concerts where this phobia has been very prominent.

Please send us your comments and we will consider them for future newsletter.

©Bryan Knox, 2001
Designed and developed at Knox Laboratory