Memento, Halloween Jokes
and Pumpkin Eaters

"Urine! You may already be a rinner!"

Lounge Cocktail:

Cool weather is at hand. Apple cider is also at hand. I like to take the changing of he seasons like a big boy. I don't fight it. Below is an excellent spiced cider recipe to bring in the cooling temperature and the changing of the seasons.

Spiced Cider

• 2 quarts apple cider
• 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon whole allspice
• 1 teaspoon whole cloves
• 1cinnamon stick
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 pinch ground nutmeg
• 1 large orange, quartered with peel

Heat cider in large pan. Throw in the rest. Let heat through for about 10 minutes. Strain into cups and enjoy. A shot of Brandy in the cup never killed anyone.

Some Thought

My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
•

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
•

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and shithead's

Halloween Joke

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP, BUMP, BUMP behind him. Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him

BUMP

BUMP

BUMP

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him faster, faster,
BUMP,
BUMP,
BUMP.

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping, clappity-BUMP, clappity-BUMP, clappity-BUMP, clappity-BUMP on the heels of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams and reaches for something heavy. His hand comes to rest on a large bottle of Robitussin.

Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as hard as he can at the apparition and the coffin stops

Lounging With A Video:

Memento
The weasel from Matrix plays Freddy. I did not recognize anybody else.

Wow, put on your seat belt and drink some brain food. You will need every brain cell you have to follow this film. This is a story about a guy who survived a confrontation with some nasty burglar's who killed his wife.

Where was I?

He survived the attack but sustained a head injury that has robbed him of the ability to create new memories. This really sucks. He takes notes, photos and gets tattoos to try and remember the facts as he hunts down the killers to seek revenge.

What was I talking about?

Not for people who want mindless action. But recommended for an exciting evening of murder, betrayal and watching someone who has a worse memory than yourself.

TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-0R-TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX

10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave you some.

6. Person giving you some, doesn't fantasize you're someone else.

5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last for nine months.

4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one will think you're weird. (This one is especially funny to some people we know)

3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. No guilt the next morning.

And, the #1 reason trick or treating is better than sex....

1. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.

NOTICE:
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

Did You Know?

The kings in a deck of cards each represent a great king from history. The king of spades is King David, the king of clubs is Alexander the Great, the king of hearts is Charlemagne, and the king of diamonds is Julius Caesar.

Caution: The killer who is about to call you is already in your house.

The B.K. Lounge Grill: Pumpkin Soup

October is the month of harvest for a lot of things, wink, wink. We have chosen pumpkin as to keep with our Halloween theme. It was either this or Columbus day and we do not particularly like him after reading a little about him. Anyway we chose pumpkin to make soup out of instead of carving a scary head in it and have some kid steal it off the porch to throw at our mail box. Making pumpkin soup is much more satisfying than replacing the mailbox. We think you will agree.

• 16 ounces Pumpkin fresh pureed
• 14 ounces Chicken Broth
• 1 Large Onion, diced
• 2 Carrots, diced
• 2 cups half and half
• 1/4 cup Sour Cream
• 1/8 teaspoon Pepper
• 1 teaspoon Cinnamon or less
• 1to much cinnamon makes this taste like pumpkin pie
• 1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda
• 1/2 teaspoon Salt
• 3 sliced fried bacon, cooked drained and crumbed

• In a large pot add, chicken broth, onions, carrot, salt and pepper.
• Simmer uncovered for ten to fifteen minutes until carrots are soft and onion is clear
• Put vegetable and broth into a food processor or blender and blend until smooth.
• Return to pot.
• Add pumpkin and half and half.
• Simmer uncovered for 10 minutes. Have a cocktail, possibly a spiced cider with a little brandy.
• Pour into soup crocks or soup bowls.
•Top with sour cream and crumbled bacon.

If you feel this is to much trouble and still want to carve a face in the pumpkin, besides the typical safety precautions like not using a candle we suggest theft proofing it. This is easily done by coating the pumpkin in a thick layer of Vaseline or baby oil. I must warn you, DO NOT USE A CANDLE IF YOU DO THIS. If you use a candle the mail box will seem minor to replacing the porch on your house.

Witnessing a Vaselined pumpkin theft attempt will keep you chuckling for some time.

Phobia Of The Month:
allodoxaphobia: opinions

I think this is a phobia that would be hard to diagnose. Would the doctor say "It's my opinion that you have allodoxaphobia"? I would think that would scare the heck out of a allodoxaphobic. Just my, never mind.

Send our newsletter to a friend.

Please send us your comments and we will consider them for future newsletter.

©Bryan Knox, 2001
Designed and developed at Knox Laboratory